


All things will fade (I wish I could stay)

by Dansnotavampire



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Constipation, Goodbyes, M/M, Or not, Pining, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, just. get ur shit together zag, letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dansnotavampire/pseuds/Dansnotavampire
Summary: Zagreusalmosthas the courage to say goodbye. Almost, but not quite.
Relationships: Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	All things will fade (I wish I could stay)

**Author's Note:**

> whats up kids i'm brand new to the fandom here have some ANGST. Title is vaguely taken from two coffins by against me, because it fucking bangs.

Zagreus had made up his mind. He was going to leave; not at that very moment - he knew it would take more time and more preparation than that - but soon. The sooner the better, in his opinion. The quicker he could get  _ away  _ from his father, the quicker he could leave this wretched house and these wretched halls, the quicker he could make it to the surface, to his  _ mother,  _ the better his life would be. 

(His mind drifts, to Thanatos, clad in black with hair of moonlight, with his golden eyes and his subtle, private smiles that only Zagreus had ever managed to earn, and he realises another thing.  _ The quicker I leave, the less chance there is of someone convincing me to stay _ .)

He’s avoided thinking of Thanatos, lately. Every time that Death Incarnate has crossed his mind, it has made his decision to leave that much harder, and so he has simply tried to bar him from his mind. He doesn’t think his - his friendship, with Thanatos, is enough for him to stay - enough for him to deal with his father, especially not when the world above has  _ answers,  _ has his  _ mother,  _ but it’s close. 

An image of Thanatos, eyes half closed, lips slightly pursed, leaning over the red waters of the River Styx, crosses his mind. It’s  _ so close.  _

(It could have been closer, if Zagreus weren’t such a  _ damn  _ coward. If he had just- If he- but no. He hadn’t - the thought of Than disappearing from Zagreus’ arms, leaving him alone by the side of the Styx with naught but the toll of a bell had been far too terrifying. And so it wasn’t closer, and wasn’t close  _ enough. _ ) 

Still. He should - he should say goodbye, he knows. If their situations were reversed - not that they ever could be, given the freedom Thanatos had with his job - Thanatos would find the time to say goodbye, no matter how hard it was. 

And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Zagreus  _ wants  _ to say goodbye, to see Thanatos’ face at least one last time before he goes, but there’s no way he comes out of  _ that  _ particular conversation still determined to leave. And he  _ needs  _ to be determined, if he’s ever getting out of this place. 

He paces about his room some more, and finally comes to the second decision of the night - day - whatever time it is. A letter. He’ll leave a letter - spill his guts, say goodbye, promise to see Than again at some point, even if he never sees anything else of that damned house again - and not have to have the terrible, terrifying conversation that is _Zagreus leaving_ , and _his father lying, for aeons,_ and so many other things and _Zagreus loving his best friend,_ the scariest topic of them all. 

Eventually, he sits - a rare enough occasion in and of itself - and begins to write. His hand hovers, circling indecisively over the parchment as he tries to decide what to say, and he almost gives up then, hoping that Thanatos will simply  _ know _ , without him having to give his feelings form. 

But he can’t expect that. And so he - eventually - takes a swig of ambrosia, and begins to write.

_ Thanatos.  _

_ I don’t know when you’ll read this - you’re always so busy now, but I know it’ll get to you eventually. I’m not sure what to say-  _

He stops, draws a harsh line through that last sentence. He knows exactly what to say. 

_I’m leaving - to go to the surface. To find Persephone - my mother._ _I don’t know when I’ll be back - if all goes well, maybe never. But… I had to say goodbye to you, at least somehow. I hope -_

He puts the quill down, stretching out his cramped fingers, and resolutely does not think about the implications of what he is about to write. 

_ I hope you don’t get this before I’m gone, if I’m being honest. I don’t want you to try and convince me to stay - because you’d manage, because you  _ know _ me, in a way no one else does.  _

He stops, takes another swig of ambrosia, steeling himself for the words he was about to put to paper, and for any and all potential outcomes of them. 

_ And because I love you. I realised that, not too long ago. I love you, Thanatos, and I have to leave you, and this is fucking  _ cruel  _ of me, isn’t it? To not even give you a chance to accept? To decline? To - to do anything about it? If I am gone when you read this, as I hope I will be, then you don’t get to - _

Zag stops mid sentence, and puts his quill down , smearing ink on the parchment.

“Blood and darkness,” he mutters to himself, bitter with vitriol, with disappointment, with the feeling that he’s  _ letting Thanatos down _ . “I can’t do this.” 

He picks up the parchment, and crumples it into a ball in one sharp motion, squeezing it tighter just for good measure. Then, he chucks it into one of the braziers lighting his room, watching with a certain heartbroken melancholy as it catches and burns away to ash. 

Long after the letter is burnt out, when the house is as quiet as it ever gets, Zagreus picks himself up, and walks out to the courtyard, hefting Stygius into his hands. He needs to practice - if he’s going to escape before Thanatos catches wind of his plan, he’s going to have to be fast. And that means that there is no more time for him to sit around lamenting his choices - he has to leave. 

Without looking back. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos fill my bones with joy (also, hmu on tumblr and twitter @dansnotavampire if you have any ideas or prompts for these 2 i am emotions)


End file.
